Posts Tagged ‘Palin’


September 18, 2008

And this just in…
King Iorek Byrnison, King of the Polar Bears, released the following statement at a press confrence.

“As a polar bear, I am loathe to interfere in the affairs of human kind. Unless you get me drunk and steal my sky-iron armor.

Then I will crush your tiny little heads.

But as my kingdom overlaps with human kingdoms,  at times I must comment and take action.

No, no crushing little human heads between my mighty jaws.


No, I’m referring to the Republican Party’s choice of Governor Sarah Palin as their Vice-Presidential Candidate.

As you well know, my people have long suffered from environmental disruptions caused by your people… be it attempts to open a pathway to heaven, or loss of icecaps from global warming. Governor Palin sued that my people be taking off the United State’s listing of endangered species. She claimed that our listing threatened oil drilling and natural gas mining, and that the grounds for our listing was unreliable.

Unreliable? My people are drowning because the ice pack is getting so thin! We are wandering further into your so-called communities searching for food! The grounds for our listing is right before your eyes.

And so, I am forming Polar Bears Against Palin. She was disastrous for the relations of our two great peoples as Governor of one of your underpopulated provinces, and she would be more dangerous being one heartbeat away from your throne.

And while I am loathe to touch on spiritual matters, her particular zeal is a concern. As my own… involvement in the matters of the General Oblation Board and… police action against the Magesterium and their backers have shown, religious belief over rationality as the basis for public policy rarely leads to anything but bad government and apocalyptic wars involving small children, anthromorphised animals, and too many damn faries and their damn dragonflys flitting about.

Thank you for your time. Now no questions, or I will crush your tiny heads.”