Go on girl, go ahead “Gone Girl” (Hell Yeah, Spoilers.)

REMINDER- SPOILERS!!!!! NO REALLY! YOU WILL HAVE NO ‘GONE GIRL’ INNOCENCE LEFT!

So I finished ‘Gone Girl,’ largely because I wanted to see the movie, and I occasionally read the popular fiction book that EVERYONE is reading. And, while I didn’t lurve, I thought I’d put some thoughts on pixel about it.

RUN WHILE YOU CAN.

First- this is an ridiculously well crafted tale. Gillian Flynn’s tale hangs together, flows well, and as the characters get stranger and stranger, you see it build.But it’s not a mystery. While her narrators aren’t completely reliable, they are regularly waving flags for you. I mean, Amy was crazy as fuck from the start. No, really. She was insane. Like, from the start, this lady was wound tighter than a Real Housewife’s hand on a bottle of vodka. The treasure hunts she forces Nick to endure, and ignores how much he hates them… that was a flag she will take you on a treasure hunt.

TO HELL!!!!

And Nick is telling you he’s a liar, and shallow guy. And guess what.. he is.

But if you don’t see where the story is going, when it gets there, it is grounded in what has been written before. There is no “WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM!??!” It’s all “DUDE, THAT’S CRAZY AND GROUNDED IN THE NARRATIVE BEFORE!” Or, “ok. that makes sense.”

Second- I continue to be uncomfortable that the lead character is a psychobitch manipulator playing the abused woman. Too many people are ready to believe victims manipulate to get what they want. This will certainly give them the sense of “THEY WE’RE RIGHT!!!!!” Yes, in her mindset.. she was the victim. Never mind it was a psychotic passive aggressive mindset, and if she applied herself, she could manipulated half her neighbors into the AMWAY CULT FROM HELL! She could have made millions in cheap vitamins off the slack jawed cattle the author portrays these people as, with only Go having brass ovaries to tell her to fuck off. And then, with that money, she could have divorced Nick for infidelity, and written a “Eat Love, Pray, Hate The Flyover States” that would have made her the toast of the fucking town.

With Amway money. THINK ABOUT IT!

Three- Inspired by Bill and Hillary Clinton. Too on the nose? Too crazy? Discuss.

Four- I realized near the end that this is the perfect romantic comedy. Take two people, who really shouldn’t be together. Make the guy need some redemption, a womanizer. Make the woman silly, crazy. Have them brought together, split apart, and then brought together by sheer writers will and force of events FOREVER AND EVER! Yup.

Rom-Com Gold.

Nick is even redeemed. He can’t leave or kill Amy because he realizes he will have a son who needs protection. He is actually heroic here.. going to a personal hell to make sure the next man in his family line isn’t the failure his forefathers have been. Dude… i knew love was a battlefield, but this is a killing field.

Five- I’m seeing a huge double standard here. Hannibal Lecter kills and eats people over table manners, we love him. Take him half way to Batman status. Amy, who could kill and completely destroy lives, kills one sleazeball, leaves most of her victims alone to live their lives, and is the devil.

Fair is fair. She is actually a better person than Hannibal Lecter. Only one person, who we really don’t mind getting killed, is killed.

Six- The thing I hated most about this book was the reading club notes. I love reading clubs, but I hate the fucking publishers spoon feeding critical content to the readers. WE ARE READERS! WE SHOULD COME UP WITH THIS SHIT, YO!!!

So, you don’t need to read this book. But it is worth reading. And I am betting that Fincher, who has made a career on long twisty mindfucks of movies, will direct the shit out of this.

Sarah Paylin. PAY-LIN! GET IT!?!?!

So it seems, no surprise, in a party of unbounded, unapologetic moral corruption, Sarah Palin was living on the graft gravy train like there was no tomorrow.

And you know what?

I honestly think this doesn’t surprise any one of the McCain/ GOP National Committee people who vetted her. I mean, to some degree they turned a blind eye to some of her flaws. They had to have.

But I think they very easily put two and two together. They saw that she was so readily and easily bought, and thought

A: We can handle her.

B: We can get dirt on her.

And Jindahl, Sanford, Gingrich, Bennet, one after another of the GOP’s leaders or speakers is revealed to be an amazing, amazing hypocrite.

AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE GOP IS LOSING GROUND NATIONALLY?

Right minded right wingers, wake up. If you are a values voter, you’re leaders don’t share your values and never have.

If you are a cold hearted, marketeer… these people have nothing but disdain for a free and fair market, political or economic.

I mean, you guys are making the Democrats look better and better.

Except for in the New York State Assembly. There, they look like the putzes they’ve always been.

PBAP: POLAR BEARS AGAINST PALIN

And this just in…
King Iorek Byrnison, King of the Polar Bears, released the following statement at a press confrence.

“As a polar bear, I am loathe to interfere in the affairs of human kind. Unless you get me drunk and steal my sky-iron armor.

Then I will crush your tiny little heads.

But as my kingdom overlaps with human kingdoms,  at times I must comment and take action.

No, no crushing little human heads between my mighty jaws.

Yet.

No, I’m referring to the Republican Party’s choice of Governor Sarah Palin as their Vice-Presidential Candidate.

As you well know, my people have long suffered from environmental disruptions caused by your people… be it attempts to open a pathway to heaven, or loss of icecaps from global warming. Governor Palin sued that my people be taking off the United State’s listing of endangered species. She claimed that our listing threatened oil drilling and natural gas mining, and that the grounds for our listing was unreliable.

Unreliable? My people are drowning because the ice pack is getting so thin! We are wandering further into your so-called communities searching for food! The grounds for our listing is right before your eyes.

And so, I am forming Polar Bears Against Palin. She was disastrous for the relations of our two great peoples as Governor of one of your underpopulated provinces, and she would be more dangerous being one heartbeat away from your throne.

And while I am loathe to touch on spiritual matters, her particular zeal is a concern. As my own… involvement in the matters of the General Oblation Board and… police action against the Magesterium and their backers have shown, religious belief over rationality as the basis for public policy rarely leads to anything but bad government and apocalyptic wars involving small children, anthromorphised animals, and too many damn faries and their damn dragonflys flitting about.

Thank you for your time. Now no questions, or I will crush your tiny heads.”