Eurovision 2019: The Guaranteed Finalists

Of the 41… damn… contestants, 6 are automatically in the finals. Because they pay for the lions share of Eurovision costs, the UK, Spain, Italy, Germany and France are automatically in the Finals. The last nation is host nation and last year’s winner… this year Israel.

Now, there are people who argue this is unfair, and this is considered one reason why the Big 5 haven’t won in forever. No one wants to really vote for them. The last Big 5 win was Germany and 2010… and the last time UK won was in 1997 with Katrina And The Waves. Wait… what?

Jaysus Crispus, that’s bad. I mean… ouch. You get why people bash the contest… the winners can be awful. Sorry, Waves.. you are not leaving me walking on sunshine with this.

So, what about this year?

First up, VIVE LA FRANCE:

Bilal Hassani… ok, first up, we got androgyny and bilingualism. Lyrics about standing out and being yourself… think Conchita Wurst light. Look.. this is not a great song, but Hassani actually attacks this with charm and energy.  This is a solid like… I’m not rooting for it, but if it does well, I’m happy.

Next up… and yes, it could be  awkward… GERMANY:

S!sters.. not quite feeling that exclamation point. But… this is nice. Plus the whole lyrics apologizing for trying to crush each other and recognizing someone is family… hell, if you are Germany going to Israel for Eurovision, maybe a song with a strong current of reconciliation is not the worst idea.

This could be a good karaoke hit… two drunk gals working it out after arguing and rosé. Not winning me over, but nice.

Followed by the host country, and place you will have opinions about… ISRAEL:

Ok.. Kobi Marimi has a really hard act to follow. And… he’s nice. Soulful crooning of home, mixing gospel with Jewish/Middle Eastern notes. I don’t see Israel being a two time in row winner ( they actually pulled that off in 1978 and 1979,) but this is ok.

And now, from the land of opera and swinging resorts destroyed by volcanoes… ITALY:

Ok.. I actually like this song. A lot.. dude references Jackie Chan and Ramadan, there’s a rhythm you can bounce to… this is the first of the Big 5 I’m like, down with. Yeah… this is up there for me.

And now, from the country path split the undiscovered America’s with Porgtugal by papal decree… SPAIN:

¡Muchas gracias, Miki! This is another great song, feels very Spanish, great rhythm, and could wake you up amid the mid tempo ballads.

And now, from a country that hates and loves Eurovision with same mixed feelings it has for the EU… UNITED KINGDOM:

Now, the UK has actually won Eurovision five times… the last time, we can see above.
sigh.

Is this the year they win again? No. Politics being what they are… nah, son. But they put up a fun, soulful song, and Michael Rice is feeling it. And since the Irish are feeling pity on our former bad neighbors by issuing them as many Irish passports as they can… well, what the hell.

So, of the Big Five Plus One… I’m going for Italy, Spain and the United Kingdom.

Onto the Second Semi’s… which will hopefully be more fun! Like, actual fun. Not me writhing in pain wondering what I ever did to San Marino to deserve that song….

 

Eurovision 2019 Semi Finals Part 1, Part 2.. YEAH YEAH!!!

Back to the road to Israel, with the wonders of Eurovision. Australia, Czech Republic stood out, Georgia got a ‘why not?’

Starting back up with… GREECE! With Egypt, a parent of Western European civilization and home of ‘Alcohol Is Free!’ one of my favorite non-winning past Eurovision songs.

This is nice. It’s a late Annie Lennox song, with a little Sam Smith and Florence And The Machine. Not massively memorable, but actually enjoyable.

Followed by… HUNGARY!!. Great swordsmanship tradition, horrible politics. But hey.. that’s Europe for ya.

Starts off feeling it like Everlast’s “What’s It Like” but then wanders off and gets lost. Not bad, not great. I have questions if not concerns about the dude’s hair. Ok.. concerns.

Next up… from the land of beautiful melodies and roads built around troll houses.. ICELAND!!!

Every year I joke about how Germany should send Rammstein. Cause.. that would rock. Well, Iceland said ‘Fuck you. We’ll build our own Rammstein. With pretty people in S&M gear and better gender diversity!’ And I dig it. Creepy as hell, but this is a decent song and anytime you have a BDSM collective sponsored by a soda pop company, well… SEND THEM TO EUROVISION!!!

Now… from a tiny nation that Trump considers to be scarily aggressive… MONTENEGRO!!!

Montengero has done some strange stuff before.. sadly this is just a travel video. It features country style music, with an obscure folk instrument (a Eurovision staple.) These are very nice, pretty people, and this song is awful.

Next from a land of great beer, mime, and the late film maker Krzysztof Kieślowski, POLAND!!!

Ok.. this is more like it. Folk music mixed with crunchy rock and vaguely Beatlesque lyrics. This pure Eurovision crack, evocative of the Bulgarian Womens Choir… this is good. I’d like to see it move on.

Onto the country that hosted in 2018.. PORTUGAL!!!

The fuck is this? No, really.. the fuck is this? Conan Osiris is a huge cultural mashup… mayhaps appropriation… which could score well with the judges. But.. the fuck is this?

Surely SAN MARINO can do better.. oh god, no…

Yeah… a bad Eurodisco number with an old guy in a bad suit. I shouldn’t be cruel. But I have no choice.

Now.. from the land of Tesla… our song from SERBIA!!!

Feels very ‘Dust In The Wind,’ dark love and submission… not a fave of mine, but it has a shot. At least it has some feels.

Finally, last band of Semi Finals Part 1- SLOVENIA!

This is a little understated, moody… great lounge music. Maybe a live performance with more emotion will take it further, but I like it. I could see it ending up on a Late Night Tales compilation a couple years from now.

So, of these.. Greece, Iceland, Poland and Slovenia stand out for me with these.. though Slovenia is more like a moodily slouch out for me than stand out. 21 countries of the first two semis will make it in.. so there are lot of chances for these groups to make the finals.

Madonna is playing the finals, it seems. Good for Eurovision… kinda bad for her.

Ok… next post, the GUARANTEED FINALISTS! WHOOT!

 

Eurovision 2019: Semi Finals Part 1, Part…1. YEAH!

Eurovision has 41 contestants… 35 in the semi’s.. 6 guaranteed in the finals either because they pay so much for the competition (France, Germany, Italy, Spain and the UK) or are hosting ( Israel.)

So.. I’m getting not four… five posts out of this.

TAKE THAT NOT QUIET ORGANIZED APPROACH TO EUROVISION BLOGGING!

Let’s start off with eight of the acts from the First Semis.

AUSTRALIA! Which is not in Europe, but has great music, and everyone was happy they were brought in.

Ok.. so we’ve got Techno Kate Bush Doing “Frozen” With Operatic Flourishes.  This was made to hit Eurovision right in the love buttons. Plus… what the hell… is that a a lady in a dress flying around, or is she supposed to be a centaur? I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T CARE.

I often say other countries are trying to be Ireland. Australia is trying to be Sweden and I am loving it.

Next up… BELARUS!

Yeah… Zena is cute, but is doing Euro Christina Aguilera With Dubstep. Meh.

But hey.. she was the Russian voice of Moana, so she has that going for her!

Next up… land of EDM, Chocolate, Beer, and a colonial history even more terrifying than the UK’s… BELGIUM!!!

I dig this one a little more. Not just for the video production, but there’s some umph to it, and Belgium always sends this skinny dudes who aren’t quite pretty, but aren’t.. not… pretty. Give them a shot!

Now… from a divide island where your stolen luxury car may have ended up.. CYPRUS!

Ok… this a proper Eurovision video. Sexy people, incoherent imagery, more sexy people, wet sexy people, more Xtina/Brittany pop sounds. It’s a fun song, hey.. they just smashed shit up!!!… but not a winner.

Now from the Czech Republic:

Ok.. this is fun. The Lake Malawi want to make world wide, and bring to mind Paul Weller in his Style Council period and Scritti Politti. These guys are a nice mix of 80’s sound, Daft Punk production, and aren’t creepy. I don’t know if they’ll do well, but after Australia, my next pick.

Now.. Estonia going Country, Aviici style:

Ok… I blame the Mumford sons for this as well. This isn’t a bad song, Just could be any song, anytime. A pleasant remember that the world loves US Country music too.

And now… from the country that gave us ‘HARD ROCK HALLELUJAH’. FINLAAANNDD:

oh.. Lordy.. no. Finland is one of my favorite Eurovision countries because they usually are interesting, and fun, even if not great. Despite having Sansa Stark dancing on a spinning cube, this song is just… blah. Oh, so blah.

WHY, FINLAND? WHYYYYYYY??????

Finally, another country dealing with Russia pushing their borders westward on a daily basis, GEORGIA:

Georgia is also decent rugby nation, often suggested as a replacement for Italy in the Six Nations Tournament. As for the song… look. not a fave, but Oto is at least pouring emotion into it, and has some traditional choral singers backing him. Not a fave, but respect. And look.. that girl with the cute hair and Captain Kirk sweater is trying to feel it!

Ok.. so First Semi’s Part One… Australia and the Czech Republic stand out. Georgia get’s special mention because at least the dude sounds like he cares.

Next, First Semi’s Part Two followed by the Guaranteed Finalists, and SECOND SEMI’S.. where my countries ( Ireland, Austria, and Romania) are competing!!!

Eurovision 2019:Off To Israel We Go…

Eurovision is known for many things… politics between the member nations, odd musical choices that leave the world equally amazed and confused, and a lot of fun, the UK being shat on even when they actually have a good performance… a lot of things.

Israel won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2018 with this little ditty..

It’s actually hit some charts, and has been picked up by drag queens… which is the height  of heights for a Eurovision song.

I’m not being snarky. A Eurovision Song having a life outside of the following  Eurovision doesn’t always happen. After this post I’ll break down the two-semi finals into two posts, hopefully react to the winners in a timely fashion, and get some reaction to the finals.

I’m especially focused on my ancestral countries… Ireland- of which I’m a dual citizen, avid Irish Rugby supporter, and most connected to. Last years song from Ireland featured male dancer, gay romance, and irritated Vladimir Putin. It was also catchy as hell, and deserved to do better in the points.

Austria- home of Conchita Wurst, who SLAYED IT in 2014 with the best Bond movie song that never was. To be fair, Ceasr Sampson’s 2018 entry ‘Nobody But You’ was good, but it wasn’t… THIS:

 

And finally, Romania. Now, last year’s number by The Humans was great… but I wanted to post 2015’s entry. Eurovision is best when it’s songs have some heart, and Voltaj’s ‘Start All Over Again’ was about how millions of Romanians have to work abroad, leaving children behind. And while Romania will absolutely lean into the gothic imagery of Dracula or the folk sounds, it was nice to see them just speak a little bit of reality.

Oh… and Romanian history? If you don’t know… and I don’t know enough… it’s rough. When you’re basically a football between the Ottomans and Russia for most of your history, run by a Stalinist madman for decades, and you’re people abroad are targeted by bastards like the UKIP, yeah… you get to have some emotion about it.

Sadly, Eurovision won’t be shown live in the US this year. LOGO is not airing it again, so back to the YouTubes for,

Next post, Semi-Finalist Group 1, Part 1!